I had
an ‘Aha!’ (Ahhana! in SiSwati) moment this month,” but I’m afraid it was not a
good one”, when I was completing an application form for some training course.
For the first time it revealed the true
purpose of that ‘Marital Status’ question found in almost every other form one
is required to fill when applying for a job or just any other application.
Completing
the other sections of the form was a breeze. First Name: SIFISO (I always use ‘Sifiso’ when given the chance to
write my name down, but resort to ‘Zwide’ whenever I am required to verbally state
who am I. Why?! Well, pronouncing ‘Sifiso’ is no fun for someone who has lisp!)
Last Name: NDWANDWE. It was all a routine
up until I got to that ‘Marital Status’ where the requirement was to just tick in
a box; the box that best describes my current status in relation to nuptials
and all.
Having
been so content being ‘Single’ for a while, I noticed how discontentment has
started creeping in the last couple of years. There is a growing reluctance to
put a tick or cross against the ‘Single’ box. It no longer is as reflex action
as it used to be, the disgruntlement with the status quo shined through. Often
I have blamed those "why aren't you married yet" questions that come
at the WORST times and, my married peers for the discontent. The truth however
can be summed up in a simple phrase comprised of just two words; contentment varies. Life rarely is
static where we are “just fine” or “not fine” with anything in our lives. My
suspicions remain valid though, those comments can never be totally ignored,
and peer-pressure is an ever-present feature in life.
There
seems to be great societal pressure to get married around age 30 (I suspect the
age is even lower for females). Fast approaching the age 30 myself, the
questions, “Why are you not married?” and “When are you getting married?” have
now gone under the Frequently Asked Questions section in my snap profile. The
answers I give vary depending on who asked, factoring in the weather conditions
at the time as well.
See, that
‘Marital Status’ thing has nothing to do at all with collecting your
demographics. Zilch! It is ONLY meant for one to reflect on their lives; how
far they have deviated from acceptable societal standards. For me, the section
no longer reads, “Marital Status”, but rather, “Why aren’t you married?”
If I
were to tell the truth, thereby doing my bit to shame the devil, I would testify
that my battle is against fear, nothing else. Fear of losing my freedom. Fear
of becoming a statistic, going into the record books as one of those whose
marriage failed. Most of all, the fear of having unprotected sex, LOL. Ok,
maybe not that. Honestly though, there are just too many broken marriages, one
cannot help but wonder if it is worth it. They say, “Nothing ventured, nothing
gained…” But, as John Legend sang, “…If I bath in your river, then I may drown.
So, the chance of a lifetime, I’ll turn it down.” Maybe not.
I have
since learned that having so much time to yourself as I do can be a great
advantage if channeled properly. If you do not understand yourself, my take is
you never will understand what a good fit would be for you. You’ll wind up
spending your life trying to fit squared pegs in circled holes, or vice versa,
getting more convinced with each failure that karma is out to get you.
For the
first time ever, I feel I am ready to go down that dreaded road, and this is
why; I have spent enough time on myself to understand what a good ‘fit’ would
be for me. My 20s have really been the time in my life when I really began to
understand who I was, what my dreams are, what I want out of life, and figuring
out what my career was going to be like.
I am
very much aware of what my personal short-comings are, hence I know what is
needed to complement them and make me stronger. I have also grown to understand
how much freedom I need. I do not have it all figured out yet (for instance, I
do not know what color underwear I would love to wear on the night before my
wedding day), but it took some time to just get to know myself. I am certain it
would have been a lot harder with the distraction of a relationship all up in
the mix of those formative years, demanding more than just a Streetwise 2,
Chomp, and an occasional hug.
Turning
30 on December 4 this year, I suspect the day will be more a start of a
mid-life crisis than it will be a birthday. With life rumoured to only begin at
40, the noisy little boy in me says I have 10 more years to figure this whole thing
out. The reality though is thus; the calendar is ticking! Just like Raphael
Saadiq, “it is hard for me to wear my watch, because all I hear is ‘Tick’ and
‘Tock’.”
