My mother. First met her in 1991. A year later she
married the man who happens to be my father. In 1993 I started living with them
full time. Based on stories I heard told by my peers about stepmothers - how
evil they are towards step children - I did not believe she'd ever have my best
interest at heart. Every chore and every beating felt a bit unjustified. And
unjust. Each time she reprimanded me, I'd think to myself, "Vele
bayabasho." And it would always end with me writing a note to my old man
requesting that I go back to live with my maternal grandmother in Maliyaduma.
See my life was wonderful there. No one would touch me, not even my biological
mother. Umfana wagogo abengasuye wekudlala! And the answer was NO each time. Which
meant I'd only get a break when schools close, when I'd be allowed one week to
go visit. I'd flinch each time someone referred to her as my mother and
forgetting to make the distinction.
The saying is older than old, yet true for today as
when it was made to be told; TIME WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING. With time I realised
it never was as bad as I thought it was. In fact, it wasn't bad at all! I had
it good. Two wonderful women in my life to mother me. Quite often we use other
people's prejudice against people to inform our engagements and overall
relationships with others. There are people we violently dislike because WE’VE
BEEN TOLD they are mean. It has taken years, but part of my own personal growth
has involved deciding that I ought to take what people say of others with a
pinch of salt. Or just not take it at all, but I digress…
I sent her a text some months back, thanking her for
playing her role in my life with great aplomb and being such a wonderful parent
to my siblings. She replied, with a thank you text herself. Thanking me for
allowing her to be my mother, saying she learnt a lot about parenting then. I
hate calling her Step Mom now. She's my mother and a good friend of mine. Her
smile warms my heart. Always! She gave me three wonderful siblings who would go
to the ends of the world for me (and never come back because they’d wait in
hope I would come to pick them up. LOL). Yes we still have our
differences in opinion, taste and other stuff. But those differences pale in comparison
to the commonalities, thus we hardly ever find time to focus on them. Given a
chance to start over, I would not trade those "hard times" for
anything. There were too many life-long lessons that have helped me deal with a
whole lot of things in this life.
I thank whatever Gods may be for giving me two
wonderful women to mother me. My Everyday Women.
NB:
Worth noting, is at any point in my life, from infancy up until now, it
has always been a requirement to have two women taking good care of me. From my
two grandmothers to my two mothers. It’s God’s plan for my life, that’s how I’ve
always been sheltered. And on both occasions, the two have always gotten
together quite well. Hope you understand. LOL
