Something I've always wanted to say, but just didn't know how. I've
always felt overwhelmed when trying to put my thoughts on this issue. A
Whatsapp conversation this morning was inspiring enough for me to go digging,
and found something quite close to what I've always wanted to say.
Here goes...
"A lot has been done to give the girl child her voice. Groups and
activists come together with many projects that are all about helping the girl
child unshackle the chains keeping her down. But the boy child has been left
behind. While the girl child is enjoying her freedom and coming out of her
shell, the boy is fighting to be treated better. The female gender is considered to be the weaker sex. We are thought to
lag behind in most things. In every field, a man is considered superior so that
qualifying standards are lowered so we can fit in. Our issues are given more
prominence since its assumed men can handle their issues.
I believe a girl is more likely to open up if overwhelmed by huddles. On
the other hand, a boy mostly bottles up every bit of anguish or pain. He has
been brought up to not show weakness, most cultures believe a man keeps his
issues to himself. Should he come out and talk about it, his peers will call
him weak, he will be told to deal with it on his own, that only women cry and
expect to be helped. The sad truth for their silent agony is because very few
listen. Rather than be shunned for speaking out, he will "man up"
and secretly deal with it.
The fact that society seems more focused on the girl child is rapidly
suffocating the male child. He is just as vulnerable as the girl child. Due to
society's underestimation of the boy's needs, they are now being subjected to
various tormenting acts. He is prone to sexual assault and suffering as any
other child. For solace, they are turning to vices. They need to find a way to
fend for themselves or to deal with their issues. Narcotics and alcohol abuse
as well as crime seem to the way for them to do this. It is the place they can
find consolation. Society sees this but brushes it off as "boys will be
boys" when girls are found in such situations, activists come out guns
blazing saying its because they have been ignored. They defend the girls and
seek help for them. The boys are left to go back to their old ways. This needs
to stop.
Intervention is crucial before our young male generation gets devoured.
A child is a child. It should be remembered that no gender is more superior or
stronger. Girls have been the weaker sex for ages, but as they get stronger we
must remember to also care for the bo. It is wrong to empower one sex at the
expense of another. Don't let the boy child succumb to destitution. He is just
as vulnerable as the girl child." - Lulu Akaki
 |
| Sourced from the National HIV Programs Report (2014) |
"Ultimately, the boys are expected to be men to lead and provide
for families. Where will these men come from?" Quite sobering a question
to wake up to. Quite tragic how we have neglected the boy child across all
sectors. Looking at the HIV Programs Annual Report of 2014 (National) which was
disseminated by the Ministry yesterday left me wondering if we are really
asking the right questions with regards to certain things or we are just
following world trends and ignoring what the available evidence in our own
setting tells us. The HIV positivity rates are higher for males for much of the
younger ages, up to about age 29. It never was highlighted as a major concern
in the dissemination meeting yesterday. No one, myself included, bothered to
ask where these boys are getting the HIV from. I probably wouldn't have noticed
had it not been one of the people I shared the report with raising some
critical questions this morning after looking through the report.
Last week, at another meeting to discuss findings of the recently
completed Multiple Indicator Cluster Survey, there was a lengthy discussion on
the girl child. How we can improve programming for improved health outcomes for
young girls. How we need to reach “the transmitters” – the old men having sex
with young girls and infecting them in the process. How through the Voluntary
Medical Male Circumcision programme we have been able to provide protection for
the young boys and there’s nothing similar to cover the young girls. I have
never, not even once, heard it asked in any forum; “Who transmits HIV to the
young boys?” Is it not a critical question worth asking, especially in light of
what the available data is saying? For young girls, the question is always
asked, and much of the responses are centred around culture (the abuse thereof)
and intergenerational sex – the abuse of young girls by older men.
The general consensus is, the boy child is well-covered. They are strong
enough to fend for themselves, the vulnerabilities are not the same. We choose
not to examine the evidence and just go with the flow. Run with what the donor
community identifies as critical.
But shall we not live to regret?
I sent her a text some months back, thanking her for
playing her role in my life with great aplomb and being such a wonderful parent
to my siblings. She replied, with a thank you text herself. Thanking me for
allowing her to be my mother, saying she learnt a lot about parenting then. I
hate calling her Step Mom now. She's my mother and a good friend of mine. Her
smile warms my heart. Always! She gave me three wonderful siblings who would go
to the ends of the world for me (and never come back because they’d wait in
hope I would come to pick them up. LOL). Yes we still have our
differences in opinion, taste and other stuff. But those differences pale in comparison
to the commonalities, thus we hardly ever find time to focus on them. Given a
chance to start over, I would not trade those "hard times" for
anything. There were too many life-long lessons that have helped me deal with a
whole lot of things in this life.
